As an awkward kid with no friends, I learned to love books over people, and I didn’t make any real friends till I was 21. I learned the importance of enjoying one’s own company very early on which made it easy for me to notice, how little time people spend without some kind of distraction or other. Every Friday night has to be dedicated to entertainment involving others and silence is always awkward and needs to be filled with mindless chatter. Not to mention, the insane amount of time people spend on social media using it as a distraction in an almost desperate way. 

Then the pandemic happened and the discussion was no longer academic. COVID-19 brought with it a lot of tragedy but it also exposed some of our weaknesses like our inability to be alone without experiencing psychological distress. There was of course the stress of a potentially fatal virus doing the rounds but the isolation also contributed to the rising number of mental health cases. Depression is like an accepted part of society now and it’s tragic just how dependent we’re on the validation of others. We value ourselves based on the number of our friends and followers. It’s also the reason why we enter and stay in toxic relationships for as long as we do despite the abuse that comes our way.

Periods of solitude have kept me sane and the habit of intermittently isolating myself is something I have been doing since I was a kid which made me feel somewhat unqualified in guiding adults into mastering solitude. Never fear, I called in an expert.

Arnie Kozak is a licensed psychologist and a clinical assistant professor in psychiatry. He is also a master of meditation and mindfulness. Arnie has written a lot of books that can guide you in using mindfulness as a tool to enhance the quality of your life, and this interview is packed with wisdom. 

We start with a fascinating study that shows just how ill-equipped people are when it comes to spending time alone with their thoughts.

Let’s dive in!